We often marry our best hope who somehow becomes the opposite. How does this happen? Like most therapists, we believe that our current behavior is heavily influenced by our experiences growing up. Your family of origin’s approach to handling conflict, communication, power and closeness strongly affects how you react today when you are under stress. These early experiences along with temperament determine the patterning that gets established and reused over and over in our brain. How we respond in a crisis or when we feel threatened with our partner results from this patterning. Fortunately the brain is changeable and can be rewired with focused attention over time. The therapy process helps you become aware and track yourself to see how it is you do what you do. Focused tracking and attention begins to rewire and change the brain on a neural level. With this awareness of our self and our process with our partner we can turn what has become a nightmare back into our best hope and achieve a mutually satisfying relationship.
During our sessions, we will ask you to share more information about your family and other relationships to help you view problems from different angles and perspectives. We teach mostly by asking questions that look at how early assumptions and patterns may be influencing how you feel and think about a current situation. We will always respect your right to only share what is comfortable for you.
Please see the Safe to Soften article on the Articles page of this website